Dear Diary
11/6/2024
Dear Diary,
Almost all writers have experienced some sort of mental block while working on their craft. As a writer, I can not exclude myself from this unfortunate fact. There is, however, one type of writing in which I rarely ever feel stuck, and that is journaling. While it can sometimes be daunting or arduous to complete a four or five-page essay, writing that many pages in my journal is an enjoyable affair. I have completely filled fifteen journal books in the last two years since I started journaling consistently. That is over 3,000 pages. I couldn’t even make an estimate for how many words that is… a lot is all I could tell you.
I have not always been so adamant about journaling. When I was a kid, I would sometimes open a notebook, write the words “Dear Diary” at the top, and then close the notebook because it felt so foolish and cliche. “Dear Diary” was a phrase I’d seen written in books and shows. Keeping a diary was the sort of thing that the main characters from fantastical stories did to narrate their lives. I wasn’t a superhero, a brave warrior, or a reckless rebel. I didn’t believe that my story needed to be written down in that way. I considered myself to be a fiction writer, anyway. I preferred to create my own characters and write about their lives. I saw no value in recording the seemingly mundane events of my own life underneath the heading “Dear Diary.”
It wasn’t until my junior year of high school that my perception of journaling changed. My favorite part of the school day that year was lunch. I enjoyed most of my other classes too, but there was something different about the enrichment I received from unfacilitated forty-minute conversations with the introspective minds of my friends. After one weekend, we were all catching up with one another during the lunch period, and I joked that we should start journaling about our days and read them to one another to give an accurate retelling of our time apart. At this joke, three of my friends revealed to me that they actually did keep journals. They didn’t write in them every single day, but if their lives became overwhelming or if there was something pressing on their mind, they would write it down. That was the first time I took journaling seriously. With their encouragement, I began my journaling journey.
I started journaling regularly on the first day of my senior year of high school. I talked about my first impressions of my teachers and my classes. I made a new friend and I talked about our adventures, how on Wednesday, September 28th, 2022, we danced in the rain underneath a rainbow together. I began to trust the pages and I talked about my fears: college applications, leaving behind my friends, and moving to a new place. I knew there was going to be so much change happening in my life, and I was stuck between wanting to write down every good moment of every day and wanting to work through my anxieties and bad moments. Both are important.
There is not a formula for journaling. There is no prescription. I can not say: “Journal once every day at 8 pm and all of your problems will go away.” What I can say is that I noticed that my ability to process and communicate my emotions noticeably improved after only a few months of regularly journaling. I was struggling in my sport, track, and after a few days of feeling sorry for myself and doing nothing about it, I started to write down how I was feeling and what exactly I was struggling with. It didn’t solve my problems. I didn’t magically start running faster or winning races, but I was able to start communicating my issues with my teammates. It only took a few conversations to realize that the people around me felt the same way, too. I just had to allow myself to feel the feelings and work through them first before effectively sharing them with my peers.
My journal followed me through high school graduation into my freshman year of college. All of a sudden, I was seeking refuge in my previous pages. I wanted to jump back in time and read through my “old” life like it was a story. I missed my hometown. I missed my friends. I didn’t know what my place was in this new environment. As the days went on, I had more and more good moments from college to write about. Sometimes I had to slow down and remind myself what I was grateful for. On other days, my journal pages were purely a recitation of what I did that day: I went to two classes, I ate a pizza bagel for lunch, I went to another class, I went for a run, I ate dinner at the dining hall, I did homework at the library. Without journaling, these mundane days would fade into nothingness. Because of journaling, I know that on Wednesday, November 1st, 2023, it snowed and I listened to Christmas music. Not every day is going to be wildly interesting, but there is something good to be found in every day, and even when I’m filling my journal entry with my deepest complaints, I try to always end with at least one positive aspect of the day.
I never thought I would be someone who journaled, but now I can not recommend it enough. You don’t have to be a writer. You don’t have to have a super interesting life. You just get to write with no restrictions and no expectations. I don’t usually begin my entries with “dear diary,” anymore, but for some reason, I do always sign them off with my name.
Sincerely,
Grace Estus
